Tomorrow I have to call a psychologist and try to set up appointment and it’s like, why? Why the fuck can’t people ever accept what I am? So I’m depressed, so I’m moody. Who the hell wants to be Mary Poppins? The world has enough of those bitches. All I hear is how I’m wrong or not good enough and it’s why? If I want to kill me but don’t and i want to paint the world black and I don’t, what’s the problem? Maybe I feel unloved cos no one ever says I do anything right, just what I do wrong. Okay, maybe Jo has a point. Maybe I haven’t been supportive enough to her and maybe I haven’t expressed my gratitude to her enough. Yeah she has been there for me and there were times when I was not for her. I was ill then. I don’t know. I look over my life and I should’ve been a better person. I did a lot of right things for all the wrong reasons. I don’t think I’ve ever given anything unselfishly. I think I’m going to die and go to hell and I don’t know how to change that. Especially now. I don’t drive and Chris won’t take me anywhere and Churches are such a waste of time. Most of them don’t really believe in God anymore and I’m too scared to leave the house anyway. I need to do something.


About moonvapors

I love music. My favorite band is Sunrise Avenue, but I really like all kinds of music from Vampire Metal to classical. I live in the midwest of the US with my one eyed cat, Blinky and my Chihuahua Mr Mosie . I love the rain and snow, flowers, wind in the trees, the rustle of corn in the summer and the crunch of leaves underfoot in the fall. I write poetry and dream of a better world, a new world order where people mattered instead of money. I think my biggest regret is not traveling the world when I was young. Oh well, maybe in my next life, huh?
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1 Response to Me

  1. I don;t think it has anything to do with churches, etc. or even “giving unselfishly” as I don;t think even the best people do that. I think life has a lot to do with your perception of it and of yourself and THAT is why you need to talk to someone because despite what you say, you have a bad perception of yourself. What you need to do first is accept your past – mistakes, failures and successes and then move on. Whether good or bad, it simply is, and it is not something to dwell on. Learning from the past is one thing, but to let it suck you in and drown you is another.

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