Tomorrow I have to call a psychologist and try to set up appointment and it’s like, why? Why the fuck can’t people ever accept what I am? So I’m depressed, so I’m moody. Who the hell wants to be Mary Poppins? The world has enough of those bitches. All I hear is how I’m wrong or not good enough and it’s why? If I want to kill me but don’t and i want to paint the world black and I don’t, what’s the problem? Maybe I feel unloved cos no one ever says I do anything right, just what I do wrong. Okay, maybe Jo has a point. Maybe I haven’t been supportive enough to her and maybe I haven’t expressed my gratitude to her enough. Yeah she has been there for me and there were times when I was not for her. I was ill then. I don’t know. I look over my life and I should’ve been a better person. I did a lot of right things for all the wrong reasons. I don’t think I’ve ever given anything unselfishly. I think I’m going to die and go to hell and I don’t know how to change that. Especially now. I don’t drive and Chris won’t take me anywhere and Churches are such a waste of time. Most of them don’t really believe in God anymore and I’m too scared to leave the house anyway. I need to do something.