I am a Christian, I think. I believe in a God of love. I believe in a God who chides us when we deviate from who we should be, points out our sins one way or another and allows us to do penance, but still love us when we fail. I believe His son Jesus came to us to try to put the Jews back on track. Somehow it had all got screwed up and the message was all fucked up. What was the message? That to attain heaven all we had to do was love others as ourselves (in other words treat everyone as we wanted to be treated) and to love Him above all else. So simple. No hatred for gays, no disgust for fat people, no abhorrence for the weak. The Jews didn’t grasp it and when Jesus died a new branch began calling themselves Christians. And what did they do? They immediately changed portions of the message. You must strive to become like Jesus. Surely an impossibility since He was the son of God, yet we must strive and in doing so, constantly fail, loose heart and eventually quit. Only those so pompous they decide in their own minds they have the right to preach, not share thoughts equally, but PREACH that this is how you shall act and this is what you shall do. We have come to Peter. Peter, who was either A-sexual or homosexual, preached how women were lower than men and should know their place. Women were temptresses, whores, evil sluts who led men astray. That’s not Christianity. It is nothing Jesus ever said or taught. He in fact tells Martha to leave her cooking and come listen to him as her sister Mary is doing. Earliest Christians held many services in the homes of women and there is even evidence that some women led them. Only when Paul brings all his shit into Christianity does women become subservient to men in this new religion. And lust. If Paul had his way, Christianity would’ve died early on because any sex or procreation was a sin. Catholics to this day believe a child is born in sin and must be baptized immediately if its survival is in doubt or the child will go to hell. What kind of fucking loving God is that? Human beings cannot allow any religion that doesn’t judge, condemn or generally make us all these wretched bags of flesh. Now we get to why I said I’m a Christian, I think. I believe in God and Jesus, but I believe in love. I believe we should treat everyone with respect and realize none of us is perfect, but love ourselves and humanity anyway. And I fail to understand where hair shirts, flogging, castration, burning at stakes, abuse, hatred, fear and violence in a religion based on love could ever come about. Time for a new Christianity.

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Hate/Love 10 of each

Jo from: challenged me with the Love/Hate challenge. Participants list ten things they love, ten things they hate, and tag ten bloggers to do the same. Let’s see if I can do it.

Ten Things I Love:

1. Mr. Mo and Blinky

2. my family

3. music

4. reading


6. writing poetry when my brain works

7. vampirey/medieval movies that look real

8. stuffed animals (I’ve lately gotten extremely fond of piggies)

9. men with long hair

10. night

I love Michelina’s fettuccine and Morning Star hot dogs

Ten Things I Hate:

1. Cruelty to animals and people. That’s the absolute number one

2. liars and judgmental people (yes I know I’m too judgmental, but I’m trying to work on that)

3. dusting or cleaning in general, especially dishes


5. being shouted at or criticized

6. sweating. I despise being hot.

7. dust and dirty houses (my major paradox, since I hate cleaning)

8. being rushed or hurried

9.not being able to do things I used to, especially dancing. I loved dancing

10. Sometimes I really, really hate being lonely

And now I have to tag 10 people. Let me see if I can think of ten people that might be interested. Major problem since I don’t know 10 people. If I’ve tagged you and you’re not interested, no worries, and if I haven’t tagged you and you are then awesome!


If you choose to participate, please share your links in the comments. Looking forward to see what you all love and hate!

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What’s on my mind?

Getting fucking pissed. I just wrote a blog longer than my arm burning the three 50 Shades, just to have the damned thing disappear. My fault I didn’t save the draft.
Today is boring and I don’t chew my cabbage twice, lol, stupid Don Knotts saying from all his movies, but not re-writing all that twot. Suffice it to say, all three are a waste of time and eat your brain. Want something more intelligent, go to grade school and offer to read student papers.
The room is a tip but Mo refuses to hang his coat up or pick up his abandoned treats so I’m not bothering either, damn dog. I’m sure he’s the one scattering all this crap about and filling the rubbish can to overflowing. I have had a stern talk with him about cleaning up. He said maybe tomorrow and rolled over. So, we’ll see, eh?
Not doing well on the book cover business side. At this rate I have starving artist status. Put my name in here and there, but must be something wrong with me. No one seems interested, even Jo’s rejects. I get a few inquires but when I answer nothing comes of it and frankly I take anybody.Changed my picture. Maybe my face scares them off lol. I’ll admit the picture looked dopey.
I had something intelligent to write but I’ve totally lost it. I was interrupted to hear about the new dishwasher. I was hoping for houseboy, but they opted for a black Sears mechanical one. Also we finally have curtains in the kitchen, having only lived here nearly a year, but we still have no curtains anywhere else which makes the neighbors nervous sometimes. I’ve noticed people going by genuflecting on the sidewalk when they come to our large window in the living room.Five people in a house driving each other batty. Should do a youtube about it, lol. No one would believe it. One is wisely moving out to live with his brother soon. I’ll miss him cos we talk about stuff and watch the same documentaries.
God, it’s fucking pizza again. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Every other night. I like pizza but there is other food, people.
Well, it’s a wicked one so bye for now.

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oh i don’t know

today is not a capital letter day. i wanted to clean my room and got up at 2:30 then just messed on the computer all day. i really think i should throw the damn thing out the window. might actually get something done, though i did get my desk cleaned off and copied off a file from Chris from his chicken’s brain. It’s been laying here for days. Listening to the new placebo album. always love brian molko. he’s so steamy hot, nasty boy, lol. i had some little old man call today with a wrong number. he called back but i didn’t bother answering it. he called me hon, which i got a bit of a kick out of.

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Freedom of Religion

The new Freedom of Religion Restoration laws so far enacted in Indiana and Arkansas is so much in keeping with the reversal of freedom that is happening in the US. Hate and divisiveness seems to be the watchword and our legislators revel in it. The American people mainly think that religion means the so-called Christianity that has been perverted into an exclusive club that only those who fit in the cookie cutters they have approved are allowed to enter. There are multitudes of religions out there, folks. And this opens up the ability to discriminate against anyone, even the white bread Americans who think they’re going to be in charge of the world forever. Even in the US whites will shortly no longer be the majority. I remember reading a short story when I was in grade school, and forgive me please but I forget the title and author. I still have the story somewhere but it is packed at the moment thanks to a recent move. Anyway it is written in the future and earth is dying. Sometime in the past of the story all the blacks have been driven from the planet to another. Now the white world must come to that planet because they have no choice. Immediately many of the people start putting signs up,’ whites to the back of the bus’ and ‘Blacks Only’ and all the typical pre 60’s signs here in the US that discriminated, but then a sane voice says no, they should rise above and show compassion and so they welcome the white people. My question is why can’t people really be like this? People use the Bible, a book written by men and twisted by the churches for centuries to create power for themselves, to prove their hatefulness is right and good. Jesus never said for us to judge others, he said God would judge us. Jesus never said hate someone for who they love, he said love everyone. I wish these people who have no idea who God even is or what He’s about would quit using Him for their agendas. Because that’s all this law is about. A business owner is in business to serve whomever seeks his service. Freedom of religion means a person has a right to worship as they see fit. Gays do not infringe on anyone worshiping as they see fit. Gay marriage doesn’t affect anyone else’s marriage. People are brainwashed by ignorance and stupidity. I think if /when there is judgment in heaven those promoting hate will have a very lot to answer for. Much more than any gay person ever might have.

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Walnuts and other things

I am eating walnuts. They look like brains, so the health Nazis say, because they are good for your brain. I think I should give my brain all the help it can get.
Speaking of brains I am feeling a tad bit odd today. Half of me is manic and the other half is totally depressed. I feel like bouncing off the walls, but beating my head in them while I’m there.
I need to start working on my book cover for my new book, which is now more than half done. Can we do a little dance and yell yay?? They’re all free that I write, but let’s face it, I write them for me. They are not work, they are parts of my heart and soul and dreams. I want to share them with people I will never know. Maybe they will find in one something that touches their hearts or gives them something to dream about.
My latest dream involves an island (most probably) governed by goat herders who don’t give a damn, with frequent rain and snow and moderate (by that I mean 30’s to 60’s Fahrenheit). Damn I spelled that right. Give me a cookie! If I were capable or had a fellow-adventurer along, I would build a cob tiny house with a fireplace I could read in front of or fall asleep watching while I listened to the wind blowing around outside. I find I truly need little. Some books to read, some quiet, I admit food to eat. I don’t care about a house anymore. As long as there’s a roof and some walls. Maybe I’m letting go of things I know I won’t be taking with me. Someday the journey will just be me, alone, hopefully with God, as empty handed as I was when I came into this world. People spend so much time trying to get so much that means nothing in the end. Well, enough of this.
Listening to videos of the ocean waves. I wish I could see them someday. Run through the sand. Yeah, okay maybe wobble through the sand, lol.
What I truly need I think is a partner in crime. Someone who wants to do strange things, go weird places and doesn’t mind the fact I can’t walk much. They want to spend time because they really think I’m interesting and funny and they can rise above my undercurrent of sadness and guilt. Can see through my pessimism enough to realize I’m really an optimist and I keep thinking things will go right in spite of the fact they never seem to. Who isn’t always disappointed or out of patience with me. Maybe someone who can make me feel alive and I can give them back the same. It doesn’t look probable. I will fade and go into the west, lol.
Well, I know there was something I needed to do, but no idea what, so I have finished my walnuts and my brain is no better, lol.

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And I fall apart under pressure

“We all feel fucked up sometimes”. Just read that on Pintrest. My only question is why do I always feel that way?
I’ve done something to my youtube. It will download, but won’t play and have no sound. I’m going to restart in a few and see if it will re-set itself from whatever I did. I feel like typhoid Mary when I get on a computer. I’m bound to do something to make the thing sick before I get done.
And where is my rain?? I was supposed to get rain today through Tuesday. Dammit, I want my grey skies and rain gushing out. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I can’t get depressed enough to write. I need to get back to work on my poetry books again. I’ll put up a new book sometime this summer, probably after we move, assuming we get the house or even want it. There’s some problem with it.
Fucking internet just went kaput again. It’s been doing that a lot since we got the new router. Really irritating cos I don’t know which one to pull so will be off the computer until Chris gets back. Anyway, I think that signals reading time. I have finished the Tyler books and the new book is Mrs. Jefferies and the Missing Alibi.

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A Rose Upon Water

My “newest” book is actually a collection of romantic love poems written while in the throes of my first real love, back when I thought forever meant forever and everything was thrilling. Back when my heart felt so full of mixed emotions I thought I would die. First love is such a magic time, a time when everything is bigger, stronger and somehow more real. I hope everyone will enjoy reading them and maybe share one or two with their significant other for Valentine’s Day. Just be sure to credit me 🙂

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lost and forgotten

Why is it that every time I try to post something elsewhere unless I use FaceBook, my account can never be found and I look like an idiot? It just infuriates me. Okay wordpress was supposedly my fault cos I used the wrong name, but still. The fucking computer seems to put everything I do..and you too…in some jumbo ziplock file somewhere. Why can’t they help me out now and then and give me the right name?? All those Homeland Security and CIA spies probably sit there and have a big old funny laugh and then people wonder why I’m bitter.
Also why do people have to feel they need to be a big shot in every group they’re in. I got an e-mail today from an administrator in a group I’m in and she’s asking do you think I and my fellow administrators should get badges and should they be displayed on every post we put up. It pisses me. They’re only claim to fame is the owner picked the first few who joined to be admins. I’ve been an owner in groups, so what? I didn’t stamp a crown on each post of mine so people could stand in awe of me.
I guess I’m just in a bitchy mood (so what’s new according to my family). I’m just tired of living in a pit with a zombie. Actually he’s not even that, cos whereas he’s dead, he won’t do anything I tell him to. He won’t do what anyone tells him to but the little Nazi next door. She cracks her whip and he rises from his crypt bitching and screaming all the way, does what’s desired and then drifts back into the grave. God, I need a vacation. Somewhere in the past I think. Sitting in the graveyard, the wind blowing my hair and the leaves, writing poetry. I want to go sit in the shade with roses around, fields stretched out in front. My dreams don’t really matter a hell of a lot to anybody else and that’s my fault. I thought I’d grow old with someone. If I’d known this was it, maybe I would’ve tried harder to get out. As it is, I can’t go cos I have to take care of Chris and he makes no effort to get on his feet at all.
Well, I’ve had my bitch so back to work. It’s a damn good thing no one reads this but the government.
до свидания чиновник

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My Fantasy Circle Of Five

My Fantasy Circle Of Five

The awesome Page Adams tagged me on the Fantasy Circle of Five. Be sure to check out her five choices in a super multi-media blog!

The Rules:

1) List five fantasy characters you’d like to spend time with, and give a little info on why you chose them.

2) Pass it on! :)

Hmm Fantasy characters. I hate trying to do stuff like this cos my brain just goes blank. I guess my first choice would be Verchiel from the Amaranthine series by Jo Naylor. Why? Well, he’s hot, immortal, a vampire, fun, does unexpected things and deep down he’s really sweet. I think he’d wear me out after a while and he’d wander on looking for greener pastures (who are we kidding, he’d be looking for other pastures even before he got bored.)

Glorfindel from Tolkien, who was totally screwed out of the movies, his parts given to that nasty Arwen. Pooh. No way she could have held off the black riders or for that matter turn the water into horses and stuff. Everyone knows Gandalf and Elrond did that. She was typical woman, languishing and longing. But that’s off the subject. Glorfindel was from Gondolin and was a great hero who killed a Balrog. He was blonde and an elf and smoking.

Snape from Harry Potter. He’s so deliciously wicked and sarcastic. I’m sure he’d get on my case in no time, but in my fantasies he thinks I’m great enough he doesn’t care I’m a dope. I totally do not buy that stupid bit about him being in love with Lily Potter. Someone somewhere along the line would’ve mentioned her friendship to Harry. After all Lupin was trying to convince Harry to give Snape a chance. What would’ve been more natural than to say “your mother liked him”? Also his death was a crock. It was a waste as was Lupien’s. I think Rowling lost her mind writing that book.

Willy Wonka, especially if he looks like Johnny Depp.  He’s creepily fun and has all that candy. What more could you want? Oompa Loompas to wait on you. It’s win, win.



Robin Hood, the hottie from Sherwood Forest. To hell with Maid Marion, I’ll shove her down a well somewhere and pretend I haven’t seen her, lol. Robin can shoot an arrow in half with another arrow. He’s brave, kind and a fantastic warrior.


And a bonus, Peter Pan, every young girl’s dream. I’ve always wanted to live in Never Neverland. Pirates, Indians and lost boys, sounds like a blast to me. And Peter in my fantasy isn’t a child, I promise you.

Well, there’s the ones I could think of.

Anyone who wants, give it a try. Not expecting anyone to take the tag, but you never know.



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